I’ve been reflecting again. Lord only knows, I’ve had plenty of time to do so.
Mr T and I are recently returned from a whole calendar month away to celebrate his 60th birthday.
A road trip.
New Zealand – both Islands – out via Singapore, back via Dubai.
For one whole month.
That’s thirty days.
Not to labour the point but from the eighteenth day of one month, specifically November, to the eighteenth day of the next.
That’s a lot of knickers to pack!
I won’t lie, I had a few sleepless nights during the weeks – well, ok, ever since we booked it last April - leading up to this sojourn.
Now, cool your jets please!
Before I hear cries of “aw Princess, are your diamond shoes too tight?”, I really did appreciate what an extraordinary trip this would be. More importantly how fortunate I am to have the time, funds and my companion of choice to share this with.
Yet, I’m hard wired to fret. It’s just the kind of Boomer I am. This despite the raft of self-help books I have lining the bookshelves in Turbutt Towers. Come to think of it, they probably form at least two of the towers alone! (I have been reminded on several occasions that I’m required to actually READ the books. People can be very direct slash rude with their opinions… maybe I need a book to help me cope with that?).
Let’s just say that I’m something of a work in progress.
So, some of the things I fretted about (besides knickergate…):
How exactly does one pack a suitcase (to be clear, that’s just the one suitcase) to cover all weather possibilities? When we booked this trip, my schoolgirl geography reminded me that winter in the northern hemisphere equals summer in the southern. I also understood New Zealand to be super active. So, I imagined myself knee deep in various Sweaty Betty attire. Then, when I wasn’t bouncing around being sporty and active, I would be sipping wine in one of the many vineyards, channelling my inner ‘Real Housewife of Loughton’.
Never in my wildest dreams had I reckoned on being helicoptered up a glacier one day and coming face to face with burbling geysers the next. What’s the damn dress code for that?
The timing of our trip (governed largely by our fabulous England cricket team – hola boys!) played havoc with my super organised mind (I not only always have a plan B, but backup plans C, D, E and F), given that we would be landing back in the UK on 18 December. How would I summon the energy, or the enthusiasm, to be Christmas ready at the beginning of November – I write and post over 60 cards (more of which later…).
The prospect of being a social leper during the lead up to Christmas AND forgoing my annual Charlotte Tilbury visit (other makeovers are available but this particular beauty house provides fizz –am I shallow? In truth it’s hard to tell what I really am with so much product on my face!).
What about the Christmas Tree? Should I put it up mid-November as surely if it wasn’t up by early December, it would be obvious that the house was empty. And, if I did summon the energy and put it up (frankly that was never going to happen), would it look even more obvious that there was nobody at home if the lights were never on.
Further, if we put a timer on the aforementioned Christmas Tree lights, they might fuse and start a fire…
On top of all of this, our ‘go to’ neighbours for looking out for our house were going to be away around the same time as us… I sensed utter carnage ahead!
In my effort to streamline my packing I figured that we were staying in some good hotels so why would I require my travel hair dryer? But would there be a nozzle? In fact, why is there NEVER a nozzle with hotel hairdryers?
How does one wash their clothes when they’re a sixty plus, gap year backpacker?
Don’t get me started on toiletries. I remember a time when I was given a drawstring pouch for a toothbrush and comb. Then came the vanity case. Now it’s practically a small crate! When one is travelling for longer than a long weekend, a gal of a certain age (ahem) requires quite a bit of maintenance…
Lastly, there was the little thing of having to rehearse for the Rock Choir Carol Concert beneath the Christmas Tree at Trafalgar Square – oh yes, THE Christmas Tree in THE Trafalgar Square.
Some of you might remember when it was random carols in the local high street? Well, me and my lovely Rocky mates have gone large this year!
Incidentally, I suspect that this is fast becoming the new ‘did you know I ran the London Marathon’ brag. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
After all of the above, I was mentally exhausted. I needed a holiday!
What can I tell you about New Zealand? It is an extraordinary country. The scenery is fast changing and utterly breathtaking. The lakes are huge and turquoise blue, the mountains that surround them are snow peaked and vast. The towns are uncrowded and the demographics varied so it clearly pleases all generations. It feels like a fun country.
Of course, as with 95% of my catastrophising, all was well before, during and after.
I’m delighted to report, in no particular order…
My name is Sue and I have too many clothes. There, it’s out there. Do you know, I found it immensely liberating living out of a suitcase and wondering which of the four t-shirts I should wear that day. That said, the quality of the hotels didn’t for once depend on which toiletries were available, nor the thread count of the sheets but whether they had a laundry! I was never happier than when I was traipsing down to the laundry room with a bag of washing. How the mighty fall!
The rehearsals for the Rock Choir gig (…did I mention that we were singing in Trafalgar Square?) could not have gone better. I practised as we traversed New Zealand. Mr T is now not only word perfect in most Christmas songs but can knock out a mean soprano harmony! I can’t lie, it was weird singing about Winter Wonderlands in the blazing sunshine and blistering heat, although I was distracted by the realisation that the snowman in Winter Wonderland was not ‘passing by’ but in fact ‘Parson Brown’ – who knew!
(It’s quite amazing how many times words that I have sung all my life are not quite the right ones – and it takes great effort to rewire the brain). Thank goodness that The Police’s ‘Don’t Stand So Close to Me’ isn’t a Rock Choir song, as I would never be able to unlearn ‘that book by Neville Cole’ rather than ‘Nabokov’. Neville Cole? No, me neither!
The highlight of my practising came when England got a wicket at Hamilton mid Carol of the Bells!
The athleisurewear did not go to waste as NZ provides plenty of opportunities to get active. Have to say the bungee jumping, sky diving, water rafting and basically anything that required me wearing anything from The North Face was never going to happen. But we, what New Zealander’s call, hiked’ most days. I’m not entirely sure when ‘walking’ become ‘hiking’, but it has. Everyone seems to hike these days and there are perfectly acceptable places to do so, like hills and mountains. But not so much down, say, Bond Street or to the bus stop.
When NZ guides say a ‘steady climb’, they are lying. They would call Mount Everest an inconvenient mound!
As for Turbutt Towers’ fate? It fared perfectly well without us.
We recruited another of our neighbours who was up for the challenge – she is young, enthusiastic, with boundless energy and lots of patience. This poor girl underwent a baptism of fire AND an induction programme (no, really – she did!), albeit with a large G&T in hand. There are a lot of plants to water and bins to put out you know!
She was entirely brilliant and sent a weekly text reassuring me that water pipes hadn’t burst, small electrical goods had not self-combusted and to confirm that we hadn’t had a mouse slash rat slash pigeon slash squirrel infestation.
That said, I did have a panic when I woke up, not to her usual text and thumbs up emoji, but a voice note. Our Millennial was totally flabbergasted about how many Christmas cards we had!
“Oh my Christ” she shrilled “I could barely get in the front door… and who sends Christmas cards anymore!” Good point, well made.
She even offered to put our Christmas Tree up for our return – what a gal!
So, to summarise, I would highly recommend both New Zealand AND making sure you have a millennial on hand to keep you calm in your absence!
She even came to Trafalgar Square. Oh, did I mention…
Really enjoyed reading this excellent piece of work. Keep them coming XX
Just the entertaining read I needed! Great piece of writing Sue...well done! Just love your posts x