OMG... I’m a Sexagenarian Smugster!
This Boomer's had a birthday with a zero in it...time to take stock and call out some smug behaviour...
My name is Sue… and I’m a Sexagenarian.
… and ‘just like flipping (added to avoid a SJP lawsuit – if you know, you know…) that’, I’m 60 years old!
I can’t lie, I like the drama (and we know that I can make asking for a slice of toast sound like a conspiracy to burn down The White House) of saying ”how old am I? Moi? I’m 60” and it won’t be wearing off anytime soon. Particularly as people keep on exclaiming ”no… you’re never 60!” So, buckle up, we may be here for some time yet. That said, for the past year nobody has batted an eyelid at me being 59. But pop an ‘0’ at the end of any number and it’s all “nooooo way”.
As dear Esther Phillips concluded in 1975, ‘what a difference a day makes’!
So what’s new about this Boomer as she enters her seventh decade?
Well, I have noticed a slight thawing between me and all things Social Media.
Oh, yeah, and the small matter of turning the hankering to run The London Marathon since its inception in 1981 into reality in 2024. When I’m 60 years old. Yes…I know. TBD further…
So, back to socialmediagate. I just can’t get enough of those Insta posts about drawer tidying (don’t judge me, a tidy house is a tidy mind), how to style a shacket when you’re over 45 and those funnies that encourage me to make today my ‘bitch’.
It’s not all good news though. As my oestrogen levels decline my intolerance has increased and the majority of Insta posts - there’s no polite way of saying this - frankly get on my pip.
To be fair to social media, it’s wider than just that. Is it me or is there a lot of smugness going down and a growing inability to be sensitive to one’s audience and ‘read the room’.
Furthermore, for every ‘Smugster’, there is someone who could be smug but just doesn’t realise it!
So in no particular order of exasperation…
Those who say ”oh sometimes I just completely forget to eat”. What the heck? I plan, what I call, eating opportunities from the moment my eyes flick open every morning. It’s my raison d’etre… so how can anybody forget to eat. All I know is that we can never be friends…
Women who say ”menopause?... I hardly noticed I was going through it”. This as I’m breaking out into my twelfth hot flush of any given hour. It makes me want to lie down in a darkened chest freezer. That said, my lovely mum fell into this category and used to say exactly the same. Mmmmmmm… maybe we should ask the neighbour who was destined to become a Premier League slash England footballer, whether he noticed her menopause when his football was regularly returned from our back garden with a carving knife-shaped puncture. That poor boy took one for the team – excuse the pun…
People whose hair doesn’t succumb to humidity. They sit there with their slick, swishy chin bobs looking smugly at me… the Kevin Keegan circa 1980 lookie-likie, who’s clearly used her travel iron as a straightener. How do they do it?
Those who say ”oh, I only managed a quick 5K run today”…although more of which later…
Those who have said to me ”aw, my husband only has to look at me and I get pregnant”. This after me revealing a struggle including several miscarriages and subsequent IVF attempts– oh yes, these people walk amongst us (I can’t lie, there were times of desperation when I tried to catch those aforementioned fertile eyeballs… any port in a storm). While we’re on the subject, those Smugsters who when I’ve asked after babies being born, have said ”it’s not great news – it’s another boy and they were desperate for a girl”. As I say, these people do exist…
People who look good in linen – how so? I look as though I’ve slept under canvas in a muddy field for a week and then slid down a rubbish chute by the time I’ve had it on for an hour.
When you can’t sleep and those who boast ”oh I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.” Enough said!
People who can wear Birkenstocks without them making ‘that’ noise – again, if you know, you know…
People who can read books and not take on the identities of the characters. Mr T always knows when I’m reading crime thrillers from my harrumphing round the house observing” you’ve put the dishwasher on… good work Turbutt”. If he’s failed to do this task? He’s back on traffic!
Anybody who, when they turn on the TV, doesn’t have cricket slash football slash golf slash the world championship of tiddlywinks on. Okay, the latter might not exist, but if it did it would definitely be on all three of our bloody TVs! I can’t tell you what I’d give to turn on and be met with a random Loose Woman!
So… back to The London Marathon – people who say, ”oh, don’t ask me, I couldn’t do that” (I say to you madam, I’m not asking you to!). There are those who have told me how it absolutely ‘properly broke’ their friend and how they have never been the same since. I have experienced a similar reaction to my nephew being in the army with ”oh, I couldn’t bear that, the worry! I wouldn’t allow it” (calm down, he’s not going off to join some sinister cult…nor the Vegas leg of the Magic Mike tour!). Anyhow, good luck telling him! Come on chaps, show me and the Neph some confidence, motivation and appreciation please…after all we’re likely going to be raising zillions for charitable causes AND defending the country for you and your families. Ahem, I did warn you about my dramatic prowess in the first paragraph!
Need to clear my head now after that rant so off for a little 16K as part of my marathon training schedule…
Uh oh, read the room, Sue the Smugster… read the room!!
Really enjoyed reading this and can relate to everything in it. Brilliantly executed. Love ya X
Soon be joining you in the special club, will leave the marathon to you though !