It’s only words…

‘Words don’t come easy’, so crooned that great truth-seeker of our time, F.R. David (no, me neither, although I do fleetingly remember it belting out from the tacky bars and restaurants during Magaluf ’83…).

But not so fast Mr David – it seems they do! They come, they flow and occasionally they gush. It’s rarely ‘only’ words. These little gems of expression are the mainstay of our lives. We converse, we write, we text, we post on social media, we read – where would we be without them?

Yet, when reflecting, I’ve noticed that some words and phrases are losing their meaning. I’m all for moving with the times (I’m really resisting writing ‘getting down with the kids’… urgh), but has the pendulum swung a tad too far?

This hit me, as I entered the care home and trilled a hearty “hey” to my 96-year-old aunt. Her disgruntled “do what love?” and powerful eye roll packed a punch and quickly brought me to my senses.

I’ve buckled… I’m a victim too!

So what have I noticed?

Why has almost everything become a ‘crisis’? I accept that we have a fair few on our hands right now, but is snowfall in mid-winter really worthy of ‘crisis’ status? Should we be putting the shortage of cold remedies on the same level as the current situation in Ukraine? I think not.

Next gripe - I’ve been called a ‘legend’ for putting the bins out (judge me if you like, but that’s firmly a ‘blue’ job in our household), as well as for offering to take a trolley back from a car park. I consider myself a kindly soul, I do… but I’m not sure these actions bear comparison with those of Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa. That said, I will take the ‘hashtag iconic’ with a thumbs up, lauded upon me yesterday for simply holding a door open for someone in M&S!

Tell me… exactly when did a GP receptionist become a ‘care navigator’ and a pet an ‘animal companion’? For a straight-talking kind of gal, I’m rather perplexed.

At what point did we stop going out for brunch slash lunch slash dinner and start going out for ‘food’ and what exactly does this mean? Am I going to a café or restaurant, shopping in Sainsbury’s or rooting in Epping Forest for truffles?

Why are so many of us ‘smashing it’ and not just doing well? This is particularly confusing when somebody ‘smashes’ their driving test. You pass or you fail - simple.

If you are kind enough to ask me how I am, why have I forgotten the manners my parents taught me so diligently – ‘I’m very well thank you for asking and how are you’? Now, I, along with most people, are ‘good’! Mmmmmmmm – let me be the judge of that one.

‘Second-hand’ is soooooo 20th century. Now we have ‘vintage’ (aren’t we all?) or ‘pre-loved’ (most of us)!

When I ask for advice on eye shadow, the make-up artist assures me that she can make my eyes ‘pop’ – euwww! (Btw, Mr T almost passed out in Space NK the first time he heard that I was about to be subjected to this ‘torture’.)

To be clear, I mean no offence to anybody who uses these words and phrases, as I catch myself regularly embracing them – it’s totally habit-forming and addictive for sure!

What’s more, it seems that I’m not alone in my quest for keeping things simple and as they were, following the outcry from a huge, like-minded community who are trying to protect our writers.

I’ve always had a natural affinity with Roald Dahl. True, he’s an excellent essayist, but I also happen to share his birthday… which I have always seen as a literary sign. Same with Stella McCartney – love her handbags and Bobby Davro… mmm… oh, and Jacqueline Bisset – I’ll move on whilst I’m ahead.

As we’ve seen with the great Mr Dahl, our language is being scrutinised to modern appropriateness.

Now it's dear Enid Blyton who might become the latest victim - no, sorry… not on my watch!

Enid single-handedly got me and, I suspect, half a nation of a certain age addicted to reading, which has so many advantages.

Despite getting dreadfully homesick on a one-day Sunday School outing, I begged my mum to send me to board at St. Clare’s – such was Enid’s persuasiveness… the little minx.

Please, please, PLEASE don’t let the woke police have their way with her works and claim that her language is outdated. I just don’t get it.

What could possibly be wrong with ‘lashings (… mmm) of ginger (ah, ok not sure you can use that as a descriptor), beer (ah… sort of see the point).

Look, the pendulum has to swing, of course it does. I worked in a financial institution in the City during the 80s and know that some behaviours were inappropriate, so some change has to be for the good.

However, we have to overlay a degree of common sense when we decide what’s appropriate now, versus what was deemed as fitting then.

This Boomer feels that this pendulum has swung a little too far on occasion.

However, all’s not lost.

Writing this has jogged my memory and I’ve fondly recalled some words which have, in my view, become redundant in recent years.

Let’s use less of great, amazing, fabulous (my personal favourite adjective) and bring back ‘smashing’. It makes me super happy just typing the word – go on, you try saying it without smiling!

Let’s ditch ‘ages’ and bring back ‘yonks’ ...I just love the utter drama of the word.

When did ‘nosh’ become ‘snacks’? ’Nosh’ sounds delicious and delightful…and ‘snacks’ far too healthy to accompany a G&T.

Finally, and all praise to Sarah Lancashire’s fabulous – oops – smashing character in Happy Valley – the word ‘Twat’ is greatly underrated… and there is so much scope to use it!

So are we cool? Busted! Now that really is an uncool word and best left in the 1970s. However, sometimes, just sometimes, it’s right to give a nod to the words of yesteryear…and that don’t come easy!